Bleary
by Wolfyfox
Summary: King Candy gets wasted at Tappers and Sour Bill eventually comes to collect him. Rated T for "suggestive themes" and "drunkenness" (even though...it's root beer)


_Author's Note: I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. This isn't even what I was trying to accomplish when I made this story. It's probably not as good as it could be but oh well._

_And, I don't know who would be, but if anyone is offended by any of my work, I am sincerely sorry. _

_I haven't really written anything like this before so..._

_This is also the first time I've written anyone "drunk"._

* * *

Tapper slowly ran a cloth inside of a glass mug he was cleaning as he stared at the flamboyantly dressed character seated at his bar. His customer was currently quietly giggling away at nothing in particular. King Candy had never stayed this long before or gotten as drunk as he currently was, and Tapper was a little concerned. He hadn't seen candied hide nor nonexistent hair of the King's little companion who usually accompanied him.

Two tall, lanky, females from a sports game and a vampire slaying game respectively, were sitting on either side of the old King, laughing at whatever it was he was saying in his drunken state. Tapper tried to keep his eyes on the trio for all their sakes. He didn't like interfering unless he thought someone was in danger. If either party tried to leave with the other in tow, he'd step in as usual.

He heard someone call for him from across the bar and hurried over.

* * *

King Candy gave another giggle as the darker haired girl on his left twirled the tuft of white hair on the side of his head in her thin blue grey fingers.

"You're so cute," the blonde on his right commented, laughing as he tried to focus his slightly glazed eyes on her face, squinting and trying to hold his head up. He braced one hand against the surface of the bar. It was probably the only thing keeping him from falling off his bar stool.

"Hehheheheheh...youuuu...re...thoo kind, my gum-uh..gummy, gummy...gumdrop. Ahahah," he tittered before trying to grab his drink, grasping at air several times before his clumsy fingers finally grabbed a handle. He dragged the heavy thick glass towards him with loosely grasping hands. Staring into the glass, he found it only an inch full. He sloppily smiled anyway and tipped the glass back, spilling some on his chin.

Wiping the drops away with a shaking hand, he stared at the two blurry figures on either side of him and crookedly smiled. His head lolled to the side, his bleary gaze connected with his now empty cup. His carefree, if somewhat lopsided smile suddenly melted away, replaced by a disappointed frown as he stared miserably into the cup, willing it to be refilled. A puzzled expression made its way onto his face before he giggled again, swiveling his eyes to his right and then turning his head.

"You...uh-you wanna know whoth really cuthe?" he slurred at the blonde who smiled sweetly, leaning her chin on a small dainty hand. Snickering, the King leaned in close, waving for the blonde to get closer. "Thouwah Bill," he whispered a little too loudly before cackling and kicking his legs, the gumdrops on his shoes letting out little jingles. "He hasth _big _eyessth," he demonstrated by putting his free hand in front of his own eye with the thumb and forefinger apart. The blonde frowned and looked over to her companion who shrugged, smiling.

He grabbed the blonde's hand and suddenly his face was very serious as he stared at her. The only indication he was drunk was his glazed eyes. "But you caaan't say aaaanything. Shhhhh..." He put a finger to her lips. "Ith's a _secret_," he whispered, wagging his finger as if in warning before bursting into another giggle fit. He hand slipped, and he nearly fell off his chair.

The dark haired girl caught the old King as he was about to hit the ground and slid him into her lap.

"Why don't you just sit right here so you don't fall off sweetie pie?" she said, leaning her head down and kissing the top of his bald head. The King hardly seemed to notice. He was too preoccupied with his new and interesting position, smiling like a fool, his face slightly flushed as he tried to make sense of what was up and what was down. The dark haired girl had situated him so that the top of his head just brushed her slightly exposed stomach, his feet now in the lap of the blonde girl who had taken his previous seat. The blonde now grasped his small, purple clad feet in either hand, rubbing and picking at his shoes as if she wanted to take them off. The King wiggled his feet, giggling in a way that had nothing to do with his drunkenness.

"Hmnnh, hehheh, ticklishh," he mumbled, staring down at the blonde blur at his wiggling feet and smiling, his mouth slightly open.

The blonde smiled a toothy grin and proceeded to slide her hands past his ankles and along his calves, cupping the backs of his legs. The King twitched his legs at the sensation of hands on his silk stockings, giggling. He leaned his head back into the belly above his head, and his grin disappeared, looking tired all of a sudden.

"Th-...Thouwah Bill...he-uh...didthn'tsss...want me to-to come here, you know..." he sighed, his eyes rolling a bit trying to focus on something that wasn't there. "...Wouldthn't let me..." He gave a short, cut off titter. "Ssssthourwer puss," he mumbled, spitting a bit.

The dark haired girl glanced at her companion, canting her head in a silent message before leaning down so that her mouth was beside the King's ear. "Ooooh, poor Mr. Majesty," she cooed condescendingly. "Why don't you just forget about that old...Dour Bill," she purred into his ear.

The King giggled at the tickling sensation the girl's breath had on his ear and leaned the side of his head on his shoulder, rubbing his ear. "Thouwah..." he corrected, even in his drunken state.

The dark haired girl rolled her eyes. "Whatever," she dismissed, shrugging a shoulder before starting to play with the white cuffs around the King's wrists, eventually snapping open the buttons, the cuffs sweeping open. The King tittered, looking from the figure above him who was now fiddling with his collar, to the one below him who was currently playing with his feet. He felt his tall collar slid off and his brow creased, his drunken giggles turning hesitant. His eyes swiveled around the area, squinting. He frowned and faintly whimpered when he felt the top button of his undershirt unbutton. The left side of his mouth quirked upwards in a hesitant grin as he tried to make sense of the situation.

"Sire," a deep monotone called out. Although his tone was flat, there were traces of concern and anger for those who listened closely enough.

The girls stopped what they were doing, looking for the source of the voice before finally looking down and seeing a diminutive candied ball. Their eyebrows raised and they glanced at each other before laughing. Hearing laughter and finally having wondering hands off his body, the King started giggling as well. He wasn't sure what was so funny, but if his new friends were laughing it must be hilarious. He looked to the floor where a familiar green blur stood a few feet away from him. Squinting, the King's vision slightly improved though now he saw at least three green balls standing in front of him. His mouth fell slightly open.

"Thouwah Bill!" he gasped, reaching a clumsy arm out and waving it through the air as if he were trying to grab his friend. "Wha-uh...haha, whater' you doin' here...? Hehheh..."

Sour Bill ignored his King in favor of flatly glaring at the two females holding him captive. "If you would be so kind as to let the King down, ladies," he drawled. "I can take him home now." He stretched out a jelly bean hand as if to take the King's own.

"Maybe he doesn't want to go home, short stuff," the dark haired girl said, possessively playing with the King's ears and tufts of hair.

"Yeah, so just scamper on off," the blonde added, waving her hand at the diminutive servant before going back to playing with the King's feet and legs.

Sour Bill opened his mouth to say something else, but a character from Dance Dance Revolution stood up from her seat, finally noticing the group. "Hey, hey, what's going on here?" she asked, her eyes scanning over the two girls holding the drunken King between them and the sour little servant before calling over Tapper.

"Yes, Yuni?" Tapper said as he made his way over. He saw the two girls from earlier and frowned. He had gotten distracted chatting with some old friends and forgot to watch them. The two girl's now held King Candy in between them, the King's collar missing and his first button undone. Tapper frowned disapprovingly. Yuni explained her observations of the situation and Tapper thanked her before walking over to the girls and helping the king to his feet.

King Candy swayed on the spot, his hand holding the side of his head while his other hand was extended, trying to keep his balance as his world tumbled around him. Tapper kept a firm hand on his shoulder as he guided him over to Sour Bill.

The King smiled crookedly and all but stumbled onto his sour friend, giggling and swaying as he kept his balance by placing both hands on top of the candy's head.

"Er...you sure you can handle escorting him home, Bill?" Tapper asked, concerned about the minute servant.

"Mmmmhmmm," the sour ball replied, already slowly helping the King through the doorway of Tapper's.

* * *

After a long stumbling and tripping journey all the way to the King's chambers, Sour Bill was exhausted. He was guiding King Candy to his bed when the King decided to stumble yet again. This time the royal's face ended up pressed against Sour Bill's head.

"Oops...Hehhehheh."

Sour Bill sighed, trying to push the King off him, but the monarch just laid his body weight more heavily on him, his laughter muffled against the hard candy shell. "Hehheh, hey...Sthouwah Bill, I wonder whath you tasthe like..." he breathed, staring at the hard candy surface before him. He seemed to hesitate for a moment before sticking his tongue out and moving forward. He was centimeters away when a jelly bean hand smacked against his face, pushing him away. Lacking his usual balance, he fell backwards onto his back, laughing all the while.

Groaning, Sour Bill helped the King to his feet once again and guided him into his bed, finally getting him to lay down after some whining on the King's part.

"Goodnight, sire," Sour Bill murmured, patting the King's shoulder. The King stared back at him through half lidded, unfocused eyes.

Sour Bill was leaving the room when he heard his name called behind him. He turned around, expression as flat as ever, waiting.

"Thouwah Bill...hmmnng," the slurred, trying to find the right words. He seemed to be concentrating really hard on what he was about to say. "Um...thanks..." he finally managed, looking satisfied with himself.

The sour ball's nonexistent eyebrows slowly raised and a look of muted surprise crossed his face before he simply nodded in acknowledgment and left, closing the door silently behind him. He'd give the King a talking to tomorrow, when he was somewhat coherent.


End file.
